---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
-----------------
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
-----------------
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
-----------------
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
-----------------
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
-----------------
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
-----------------
Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
-----------------
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
-----------------
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
-----------------
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
-----------------
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
-----------------
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
-----------------
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
-----------------
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
-----------------
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
-----------------
-----------------
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
-----------------
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
-----------------
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
-----------------
In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
-----------------
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
-----------------
-----------------
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
-----------------
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
-----------------
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
-----------------
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
-----------------
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
-----------------
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
-----------------
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
-----------------
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
-----------------
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
-----------------
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
