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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
