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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
