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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
